half a cat

Are you interested in making wine at home? Interested in how wine is made? No? Bugger off then hosehead.

Here are some notes and links I’ve found when starting to explore the process. I’m pretty familiar with making beer, so just a matter of figuring out the new “chemistry”

• Winexpert - maker of the apparently nice “Selection” kits.

• Northern Brewers - local St. Paul brew shop.

Q: Can I leave sulphite out of my wines?

A: Some people believe that they are allergic to sulphites, and want to leave them out of their kits. While this is their option, it’s a bad idea. True sulphite allergies are terrifically rare, and if someone has a reaction to drinking wine, it’s almost always due to some other cause (for a complete discussion on this topic, see our handout “Sulphites: the Facts”). Besides, yeast make sulphites themselves during fermentation, so no wine can ever be sulphite-free, no matter what.

Without added sulphites the kit will oxidise and spoil very rapidly. It will start to go off in less than 4 weeks, and be undrinkable in less than three months. Also, if the sulphite is left out, but the sorbate is added, the wine will be attacked by lactic bacteria, which will convert the sorbate into the compound hexadienol, which smells like rotting geraniums and dead fish.

The bottom line is this: if you do not add the sulphite to the kit, neither your retailer, nor Winexpert can guarantee the wine, so think carefully before you do it.

…. more to come as I find them….

So — I’ve been riding the hog to work these days, mainly because it gets 4x the gas mileage of the Brown Beast. I guess I’d rather spend the money on illegal immigrant labor and beer — well ok, just the beer. Here are a few things I’ve noticed…

• People read mother-!@#$$ing magazines WHILE DRIVING. If killing people ever becomes legal, this group is one case of shotgun shells away from a messy death. Seriously you fucktards, seriously.

  • Boxes 2 & 3 are for people who put on makeup - come to think of it, I’ve never seen a dude doing this stuff. MN Women — knock it the fuck off please. Oh yeah — MT women are thinner too, sorry.

• Minnesota smells like Pennsylvania — at least in the spring. It must be the humidity, open water, and the trees, but man is it nice to be zipping along to work and getting fresh mowed lawns, lilac bushes, wood fires, etc. I almost don’t need coffee to wake up after that — hey! I said almost…

• Curvy roads are still fun. Nothing really beats coasting into a posted 35mph corner at 45 and then romping on the throttle in the middle to come out at 65+.

  • Part 2 - I LOVE the part of my drive where I get to turn onto County-55 ala interstate on-ramp and rod up through the gears. 0-80mph by the end of the onramp. Un-freaking-raveled!
  • Part 3 - Minnesotans take their speed driving seriously. None of this speed limit crap, I’m gonna go fast! Posted 65 means 80, posted 45 means 60. 10mph over is a safe bet. The only thing worse is finding the asshole who actually drives the limit - move it turd.

• Wearing a helmet, while dorky and restricting, is quite nice on the morning ride to work. It is kinda nice to show up at work and not have a frozen mug due to the 45 degree temp and my refusal to drive the speed limit.

• Minnesotans also don’t screw around with the fishing. Lots of boats, even saw a dude fishing in a canoe in a small lake the other morning. I bet he was just out there to hide his drinking.

So — on random other thoughts… I am seriously considering trading the truck in or just buying outright a VW Jetta TDI. 35city/42highway in a decent looking package. I’ve heard tale that a nice catback exhaust system is good for ~15mpg too. Can you imagine 50mpg in a real car? Car and Driver even mentioned that you can’t even hear the diesel note common to these motors. Sweet. I think Portanaipolis is heading towards a Mini Coop, sexy

Just a quick note to introduce the newest member of our family - Coyote Sam the dog. She is quite the shy little thing around Portanaipolis and I, but with Bogart she plays great. They’ve had quite the time running around playing chasey-chasey, a bit of tuggy-tuggy and the daily sniff and scratch. I’m sure more stories about her and more photos in the future, but for now…here ya go!

I want one:

The question left is: Flames or Biker theme?

Oh yeah, and with me doing the homebrew, it would so get turned into the Ultimate Beer Dispensing Apparatus ™. I’m thinking a couple CO2 taps and a Nitrogen “beer-gas” tap. Don’t hate me because I’m crafty.

Once in a great while I am blessed with the best news stories on the innernet during my morning caffiene intake. Enjoy Bear eats Monkey at Zoo.

Thanks Portana for the email, I’m still laughing about this one:

Montana Barbies are FINALLY available!!!!

• Kalispell Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken’s generous salary. Comes with Percocet prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing, baseball and is often “working late.” Available at all Seattle-area Starbucks retailers.

• Bozeman Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer H2 and a long-haired foreign lapdog named “Honey.” Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.

• Butte Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, ‘78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with cash - preferably small bills, unless you’re a cop, then we don’t know what you’re talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at many pawn shops.

• Great Falls Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer Gut Ken out of Auburn Barbie’s trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Mustang convertible separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at Army Navy Surplus.

• Havre Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2 sizes too small, steel-toed cowboy boots, a classic Metallica ‘T’ shirt and a Tweedy Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has fake fingernails, a six pack of Budweiser, and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. she can spit over a distance of 6 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after another one of his “episodes” with his boss’s daughter. Comes with Barbie’s Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at Wal-Mart.

• Browning Barbie: Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a G.E.D. and a completely filled out food stamps form. Construction worker Ken and his ‘82 Caddy are optional. Available at Value Village.

• Missoula Barbie: This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker. Available at REI.

• Helena Barbie: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work. Likes to “experiment,” but will never commit. This model is being phased out and is only available from the manufacturer.

Duuuuuuuuude, Harley season is sooo near. Not quite, but it was close damn enough to bust out the long johns and leather again today and ride the bike into work. If I get to ride my HD into work most days this summer, boy does commuting not sound like such a bad thing

The ride this morning was a bit chilly — I decided to forego the helmet option, I figured it was warm enough I really didn’t need face protection. Dumb idea 40F at 60 mph is a bit cold. It wasn’t so bad after ~5 min, I either got used to it or my face whent numb. The speed limit between Auds & work is 50 mph, and in MN that means 55mph minimum. I was more than happy to oblige! I’m looking forward to chowing my lunch at my desk and getting out for a nice noon-time ride today, might as well get it while I can.

The day starts well….

What a great weekend. Saturday was a marathon shopping day (yes, I do feel a bit odd admitting that) - craft show with the girls, then to a very near closed stained glass supply shop — they were selling the shelves, to the Pinball Warehouse, then another 40 minutes north to the biggest damned furniture store I have ever seen.

The pinball warehouse was just the coolest — seriously. They probably had ~25 refurbished machines on the floor and you could play most of them for free. There was an Indiana Jones game that totally tripped my wicket but at 3100 bucks, I’m going to have to save for a bit. They also had an older Star Wars machine that was still living up in storage that was only ~1900. Portana drooled, I could see it. I’m thinking once I pay off the credit cards and get my eyes laaaazered…yeah, pinball machine. Or Tivo Series 3 — it is a race to see if the v3 comes out in time… Oh sweet sweet dual HDTV tuners and cable card…ahhhh!

The furniture store was fun — an astonishing collection of stuff. Portana and I managed to find a end table and coffee table set that will go well with our newly purchased sofa & loveseat — but not before a Battle Royale was had. We agreed on the wood, but it has beveled glass inserts which I am less than fond of — we agreed we could get marble or granite tiles cut and use those instead. We really only wanted the one end table, but as it was in the “outlet” wing of the store, it came in a 2 table & coffee table set. Frass. Portana is dead set (and for good reasons) against having a coffee table in front of the T.V, so her & Aud had to beat me about the head and neck to convince me that it will make a good T.V stand. I compromised…we shall see Aud managed to make a pretty good haul — lamp tables, curio and appolstered chair (wing back? too many seen to remember) to match her new sofa.

We had left at around 10 am that morning, returning around 8 pm or so — tired, very tired. It was a good tired though — a great day of getting things done, but boy was sleep welcome

I awoke Sunday with the grand intentions of being a bum. There was NAPCAR and College Hoops to watch, other T.V to surf in the meantime and I made some mean coffee to start things off. I was doing well with my “Day o Laziness” until around 11am where apparently the Wild Hair started sprouting…it was 40F+, why not wash up the Harley and get out for a ride. There is never a good answer to that…other than yes A quick trip to the storage unit for leathers and helmet later, I was off to the self-service car wash to give the bike a good warshin’. It was pretty filthy — 1000 miles of bugs and road grime, not to mention moving dirt. Thankfully some “pre-soak” and a nice pressure washer later - no bugs! I tooled around (including a nice rear tire roasting coming out of the carwash — god bless a little water and cleared the cobwebs out of the motor. Boooooy is having real air again nice, Hello Msrs Horsepower and Torque, oh look there is your tag-a-long Mr Adrenaline. I boogied home to give Portana a call so we could get out together and enjoy some V-Twin Therapy. We checked out the local HD dealership for a bit, then motored over to Champs for a NAPCAR & Basketball grubbin. Not sure if it was being tired or what, but that ride home was a bit chilly. We both passed out pretty quickly on the sofas watching the race…damn you Rubberhead.

That about does it for the weekend — there was a small battle with Auds furniture (moving it out to the garage to make way for the new stuff), but other than that — crashed I’m reqlly looking forward to this Saturday - we should have the movers, the cable t.v feller, and the new sofa & loveseat all in one day. Wow, what a whirlwind weekend this will be Oh yeah, supposed to be in the 50s this weekend…soooo going out riding again.

Ok with the lists, but I’m feeling lazy and am going to amuse you with this one… Good times…good times.

1. My roommate and I once: Plotted to get a feret stoned and then roll him around in that plastic ball thingy.
2. Never in my life have I: Wanted less.
3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile is: Mom. She knows all the stupid buttons to push, but is a super awesome person.
4. High school was: painful, but with lots of loose women and drugs.
5. When Im nervous: I talk. A lot.
6. The last time I cried was: a long time ago — I know I have, just don’t remember details or the dates.
7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: On a sailboat in the Mediteranean.
8. Would you rather run naked through a crowded place or have someone email your deepest secret too all your friends? It’s Nekkid Time. I’d probably walk for the fun of it.
9. My hair: always great. Good genes.
10. When I was 5: I broke my arm.
11. Last Christmas: Super great — too many reasons to state.
12. When I turn my head left: I see my Aunt snoozin on the sofa.
13. I should be: working out more.
14. When I look down I see: a laptop…duh.
15. The craziest recent event was: Celebrating a new job like a freakin’ rock star. 8 Manhattans do not make for a pleasant morning — for you or your babysitter.
16. If I were a character on Friends Id be: Ross and Chandler cross.
17. By this time next year: I want to own a pinball machine.
18. My favorite Aunt is: Audrey - she’s letting us mooch !
19. I have a hard time understanding: Stupid and Illogical folks. Like wiping before you poop…
20. One time at a family gathering: I was fed a whole bar of exlax and I had to take ownership of the only #2 bathroom in the entire facility. I soooo owe those cousins some payback…
21. You know I like you if: I don’t punch you.
22. If I won an award, the first person(people) Id thank: My Dog. It’s funny.
23. Take my advice: You are going to die.
24. My ideal breakfast is: nekkid time!
25. If you visit my home town: You will wonder how the hell you ended up on the other side of the Twilight Zone. Dooodoodooodooo.
26. Sometime soon I plan to visit: Philly, No Dak
27. If you spend the night at my house: You best not keep me up or wake me up.
28. Id stop my wedding if: I sobered up.
29. The world could do without: Rules, packaging, urban sprawl and stupid people.
30. Id rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Have sex with a gorilla, close but taking the cockroach.
31. The most recent thing Ive bought myself is: New Cell phone. Freakin’ Raaazor baby.
32. The most recent thing someone else bought for me is: Dinner & booze — tanks babe!
33. My favorite blonde is: The fantatic bombastic incredible Portana!
34. My favorite brunette is: Portana!
35. My car must have a sign on it that reads: Greenpeace approved.
36. The last time I was drunk: working on a good one right now. Mmmm Port.
37. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds: Dogs, I bet that would be funny.
38. I shouldnt have been: so bad with money in college.
39. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair? No, but it was removed in other ways.
40. Last night I: Watched basketball and cooked Elk fajitas.
41. Theres this girl I know who: is scaring me at work. You are old and annoying, leave me alone.
42. I dont know: Where I’d like to live in the Twin Cities permanently.
43. A better name for me would be: nothing, names are irrelevant.
44. If I ever go back to school Ill: get my Masters.
45. How many days until my birthday?: lots, it is in December.
46. One dead celebrity I wish Id met is: Teddy Rosevelt or Abe Lincoln.
47. Ive lived at my current address since: little over 3 weeks.
48. Ive been told I look like: Conan, and you can bite me.
49. If I could have any car, it would be: Aston Martin Vanquish. Duh.
50. If I got a new cat tomorrow, I would name it: Balls. A small reminder that I have none and caved into getting a cat.

Life has been pretty sane lately, just continuing to settle into a eat-sleep-work-poo routine that is suiting me quite nicely. It does feel like I’m in stasis a bit — there is only so much that you can do and relax when staying in someone else’s house without a majority of your stuff. I never realized how much I enjoy Ms Tivo — watching live T.V sucks balls. I’ve been missing the dog a bit too, I’m really looking forward to cleaning up poo and playing frisbee too. He would be SO much fun to take on runs here, something I need to get back doing quite soon.

Work continues to be fun, I am just flat enjoying the work. Just ask Portana, I’m sure I babble on and on about it People here are super nice, smart as hell, and reasonable. Whodathunkit! I even have a picture and plant in the office now.

I do find myself missing the fam, amazing how much fun we had hanging out this last year. I’m kinda bummed that I’ve yet to give the sister a hug for the engagement, not to mention seeing The Rock. It has got to be fun to say X carats vs X of a carat. Nice! Sisters: You are visiting me this summer, no excuses!

Friends: Yeah, that is going to be the tough one here. I absolutely dig my friends from MT, real salt of the earth* folks who know how to do things, can drink like no others, and are genuinely great folks. I tend to avoid computer people, so making “friends” with people here at work doesn’t have a nice ring to it — not to mention I’m a good 10-15 years younger than the average bear here. I do hope that warmer weather and riding the Harley might be good for meeting folks, it would be nice to get a few new friends here.

The girl: She rocks, just sayin’! You so get the GFOTY.

Getting fat. Egads. Between the Aunt and the Portana, I’m gonna get FAT. Cake, ice cream, pizza, more ice cream, eclairs, good god. Soon as it starts getting warm enough to jog in the mornings (like tomorrow?) I’m starting. I’m not loosing all the hard work from the past year towards looking good. Buggers!

Productivity..oh yeah, time to work! Hey, shouldn’t you be working too — get back to it slacker!

• Salt of the earth is actually an old saying from the time when wars were started over salt. Meaning real gems or valuable chunks. I like valuable chunks