A Short (Stolen) Winter Poem

Winter

SHIT! IT’S COLD!

I’ve managed to update some long lingering photos:

• The Summer 2006 Huber Wedding

• New Garage & Brewing

• D.C 2006 Trip

Hrm — perhaps a few quickies as well

• Turkey Day was a 3h drive “Up Nort” to one of Moms sisters’ places — very nice spread and a great meal. Marinated wild turkey…mmm! That is a long drive for a meal though…
• Long weekend - so nice. I’m refusing to even turn the work laptop on. This is driving me a bit nutty, but I’m dealing with the withdrawl symptoms nicely.
• In Vino Veritas: Gotta get the Cab/Merlot bottled this weekend — by next Oct with 10 months in the bottle, it should be damn good.
• Lots of good news on the Cray front. This is a huge validating win for us and really should help move Cray back to the front of the pack, if not breaking away from the peloton someday entirely, for real HPC offerings. Wankers with your “clusters” need not apply. By-the-way, anything below a 30TFLOP system now immediately registers as “small” with me — I know, a bit snobbish — deal with it.
• The year of road trips starts in under 30 days. Oy. We are driving back to MT with the dogs for Christmas — I’m praying for a smooth trip both ways. If all goes well with the dogs, we’ll be repeating this trip 4 times next year — 3 weddings and then Christmas. If all does not go well, we’ll be repeating the trip with the addition of drugs for the dogs. Modern pharmacology is not without its benefits.
• Boston - I’ll be there Saturday May 26th through early morning Tuesday June 2 for the Liza’s wedding - I’d love to catch up with a certain Herr Schwan & McDonald provided they can be troubled to drink beer.
• The Violator: Just go watch. This, Ladies & Gentlemen, is my future brother-in-law. I couldn’t be happier.

I was chit the chatting with Portana last night and she mentioned that in (as of 11.27 am CST) 21 days, 8 hours and 30some minutes (adjusted for timezones of course), we will have been dating for a year. It is a bit sad to say — but I’d forgotten that we were coming up on such a day. I mean — I know when our “day” is and that we’ve been dating for a bit now, but I hadn’t given much thought to the fact that we’ve been “bonking” (no, not that bonking… it is an inside joke) for almost a year now. It was still kind of rattling around in my head this morning as to what the last year has been like and how dating her after this time is still a super fun time. Yes there is the inevitable “comfort” that comes with time and living together for 2 months now has introduced another level of routine behavior and interaction — BUT I’m still amazed at how we are still goofy as all heck and really do enjoy spending time together. Awwww shucks…..

So you ask — what has the last year meant? Well — here are the highlights that come to mind. Nothing too gushy or personal of course - must protect the guilty

• Harley rides, lots of harley rides. First date after the thunderstorm (hey, why do you think guys buy motorcycles?), to Roscoe for her birthday, a few trips to Rock Dodge, lots of little lunch trips in Billings, Bozeman, getting beer from Costco, wow ! We jsut need to ride a lot more here in MN!!

• Cooking - I’m the meal master, Portana kicks my butt with some breakfast thingys and all baking. I make a mean milk shake and rule the grill. She makes me want to eat healthier I keep trying to cook healthier for the both of us!

• Pets - some good times, some rough times. Just a little note — these are likely the only kids we will have and we are both thrilled about that! But the hair…oh! the hair!.

• Dealing with life - my getting laid off, her job interviews, moving, two new jobs, packing two houses up, living as a guest at Auds for a month, unpacking into a single house, getting used to living together - sleep schedules, bathroom sharing, eating schedules, finally getting the hosue unpacked, furniture shopping, the list goes on. I’m amazed how we’ve gotten through all of that without a huge “Nic you are an ass” fight. Damn, I guess we might be adults after all!

I’m sure there are huge events I’m leaving out here, but I think it is suffice to say that this first year has been an amazing adventure both personally and relationship wise. I can’t think of anything I’d have done significantly different - I’ve really enjoyed it and hope it continues for a long, long time. Well — I’d write more, but I’ve got dragons to slay here at work!

Oy yeah — I love you Babe!

Thanks Portana for the email, I’m still laughing about this one:

Montana Barbies are FINALLY available!!!!

• Kalispell Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken’s generous salary. Comes with Percocet prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing, baseball and is often “working late.” Available at all Seattle-area Starbucks retailers.

• Bozeman Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer H2 and a long-haired foreign lapdog named “Honey.” Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.

• Butte Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, ‘78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with cash - preferably small bills, unless you’re a cop, then we don’t know what you’re talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at many pawn shops.

• Great Falls Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer Gut Ken out of Auburn Barbie’s trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Mustang convertible separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at Army Navy Surplus.

• Havre Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2 sizes too small, steel-toed cowboy boots, a classic Metallica ‘T’ shirt and a Tweedy Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has fake fingernails, a six pack of Budweiser, and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. she can spit over a distance of 6 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after another one of his “episodes” with his boss’s daughter. Comes with Barbie’s Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at Wal-Mart.

• Browning Barbie: Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a G.E.D. and a completely filled out food stamps form. Construction worker Ken and his ‘82 Caddy are optional. Available at Value Village.

• Missoula Barbie: This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker. Available at REI.

• Helena Barbie: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work. Likes to “experiment,” but will never commit. This model is being phased out and is only available from the manufacturer.

So — today is going to be a recollection of things I miss about living in Philadelphia.

• Food. There are a few decent restaurants here in Billings, but to get good quality food you have to pay for it, sometimes dearly. What I miss about Philadelphia is that there were tons of local places that had a dish or 3 that were really spectacular — the Lamb Curry at Tangiers (an otherwise completly shabby and tiny bar, entirely fantastic) , which was a total of .5 blocks from my apartment. Pine St. Pizza, and your tasty, tasty cheesesteaks, my hangovers miss you and your greasy goodness. The places are too many to mention — I just miss the sheer numbers and variety.

• Cultural events. Call me a snob (oh quiet you..) but donning a tuxedo ala Bond, spending $200+/ticket and heading out for a really good fun time in the upper crust of societal events was a thrill. I think part of it was the “Young Professional” scene — a self-fufilling dream where just being in a crowd with 25-40 something folks who all were at least psuedo interested in seeing the theater/opera/ballet/symphony and not just nailing the open bar for the ticket price equivalent in booze. Just being there made you feel that you were on the top of the ‘game of life’ and had truly made it — mainly because that is what everyone there thought. Perhaps it is the conversation with folks that had drive and passion for work or life or achieving something that at least appeared good and honorable with their lives. I don’t take anything away from people here — life is just different and I truly think the character of people here is far above and beyond that of the East Coast — but I miss the discussions about politics or art. I do get a large amount of this thanks to a few friends here, but perhaps what I really miss are the events dedicated to it. It is true to a certain degree that you had to be at least partially successfull to attend such events — you had to have the extra Benjies to blow, but the real trick was getting invited on someone elses bill — a feat that was accomplished more than once. BTW, yes I look like a younger-but-manlier Bond in a tux.

• Shopping. (In a manly sense. Like some folks I am not a woman deep down inside — at least not completely.) I’ve been accused of being part old woman (I have plants, birds, can cook, knit, crochet, cross-stitch, like to garden and generally hold an intelligent conversation while looking a large breasted woman in the face), but that is not really true. I was just raised to be open minded– yeah that’s it! Anyways… how freaking hard is it to have shopping for things that just approximate current styles? Am I now required to purchase casual shoes with a minimum sole thickness of 2″? Why OH F@#$#ING WHY is there not a good place to get a hot shave ? (Ok, that one appears slight dandy, but if you have never experienced one — shut up. You know not of what you ridicule. Besides at somepoint we men get married and need equal ability to spend $50 on “spa treatments” — I prefer mine to be functional as well.)

• Housing. Ok — here is the big one bugging me of late. Perhaps I was just spoiled in my apartment, but is it really that hard to build a house today that does not look like either a complete cookie-cutter subdivision nightmare or that the “architect” (and I only use that word because they insist on calling themselves that..) went to the Helen Keller Corel Draw School of House Design by Number? Good god — let us take 10 parts fucked up layout, knee walls, vaulted ceilings and pre-fabbed furnishings, mix with 42 parts assbarn derived roof lines (seriously — 40% of your front eleveation is shingles — Hellllooooo!), toss in a sprinkling of insanity with siding choices — honestly, neutral brick and greyish-beige steel siding. HAVE SOME DAMN imagination. The real horrors come on the inside of these places — carpets, gas fireplaces, odd shaped rooms, sanitized wall coverings, and just BAD decorating. I’m just about to put the pool of architects designing these monstrosities into the same pool as laywers — Flabby Hunks Of Whale Shit, Inc. Also — would it be impossible to design a large house that doesn’t take the GNP of a small country to heat and cool ? For fuck sake.

So — the butchering was actually done Monday, but I’ve been so scatterbrained and busy with work that I didn’t get up to the Heights to pick up my Elk meat. It turns out I lost a good chunk of meat , perhaps 10-15lbs or so, from the neck due to spoilage. It was just too warm when I got it and the subseqent days for anything else to happen. Bummer, but these things happen. The good news is that I got a ton of meat from it, I mean wow! I had two big boxes — probably close to 200lbs total. About 100lbs of it is just steaks and roasts. I must have 30 or 40 packages of just steaks and roasts. There were ~50 packages or better of burger too. I froze ~15 or 20 of them, but still managed 62 lbs of burger into the Meat and Poultry Palace here for sasauge. I am getting 40lbs each of sweat and hot italian, 15 lbs each of smoked summer and polish. (They add 1-1 for fresh and 1-2 for smoked from ground pork). All told, a $400 butcher bill, but I should have 200-250 lbs of meat. Thank goodness for the Portana and the Mom for letting me use freezer space. Pilotman is getting a good box of Elk once it is done for the immense amount of help he and his father gave dragging this thing out.

I also got the skull from the butcher too — he skinned it and left it just right so I can take it to the taxidermist and get mounted. Now that it is all cleaned up (for the most part…) — boy is that going to look great on the wall. Hopefully it fits in the office, or I’m going to have to find room on in the living room or bedroom. Nothing says sexy like a big set of horns over the headboard. Grunt

Whoaaa there parder. A little splash-n-dash here on the blog before I get back to the hectic life that is my Monday, bullet style.

• Weekend was one of the best ever, nothing like spending a whole day with someone. I spent 75% of Sunday on or near the bike in pursuit of fun for Portana’s bday (birthday, not fancy french bum washer…). Great day of riding, hit small rain sprinkles during 90F heat, boy does that help, especially since I have the new fangled helmet. Lunch at the Grizzly Bar, talk about great food. I love a Prime Rib “sandwich” that is a steak with a dinner roll. Mmm, yeah, that piece of bread is soooo not getting used, and we are just going to call it a steak! Alaskin King Crab for appetizer, just about the best seafood I’ve had in ages. I think I may have hooked someone on Maker’s as she orderd one on the rocks while we waited out the rain deluge. There is something about a sexy woman drinking brown liquor on the rocks that makes her seem very mysterious This single day probably made my week, if not month.
• Lou in town! More stories later, but great to have a friend from college here in MT. It was fascinating to hear about the whole crew, oddly making me a bit sad that I’ve not kept in better contact, but then again I’ve always been horrible at keeping in touch with people. I think something about “living in the now” pokes in there…
• Chatterbox HJC 60. Total piece of crap. I thought it would be nifty to have an intercom for the road trips on the bike — chit chat and tunes the whole way. Yeah, first off, not that much talking you really want to do, just lose yourself in the ride. Second, wind noise. It kills. This thing is getting returned ASAP, and purchasing a direct splitter for the iPod and an extra set of ear buds. Net savings: $200+ USD. And to the person who suggested I get a windshield to help cut down on wind noise: yeaaah right.
• Work…you @#$@#$ers. On top of the week-a-month travel fun, aka HELL, to ORNL, I’m going to be spending almost 2 entire weeks outside of Denver for work meetings at the end of the month. That boosts this month’s travel+out of town work days to 18. This had better be the last month at ORNL, getting really sick of 25-50% travel, so not what I signed on for. To boot, other than doing my job and helping my company out immensely, no real benefit to me. Bitter? Nooo, not me. Selfish? Completely, but then again I’m just asking to have a semi-normal life. Oh yeah, and I am pretty sure there is at least 1 more trip to ORNL that will have to happen right after this Denver excursion, so looking at 3 weeks straight out of town. Booo! I guess this is the price to pay for working from home. I am very excited about the supposed pending return to recoding lots of internal tools. Coop: Remember the Shaver’s joke about rewriting ltest in python — looks like it is going to happen
• Northwest & 6.35am flights out of TYS. Bullshit! If you are going to cancel the flight because YOU HAVE NO FUCKING FLIGHT CREW, please do not mark the flight as leaving late due to “required crew rest” and then cancel it 30mins before takeoff. If I had known it was going to be canceled, I could have slept in past 4am and perhaps gotten a few hours of sleep. You do get bonus points for having reclining leather chairs in the terminal, made it quite easy for me to sleep the 5 hours until the second flight took off. This is the second day in a row, the last being end of June trip to ORNL, that it has taken me ALL DAY to get back to Billings on second rate flights after you botched this one up. Second, get the @#$@#$ing airport security guys to let us in the line so we can get our flights rescheduled. Note to self, never ever ever ever again schedule early flight, take the 8.40am one and be glad that it takes off on something approaching a routing basis. Yeah. Nothing like scheduling the early red-eye flight to get home just to spend 14h+ in the airports. My butt hurts.

Ahh, yes. Again with the lack of posting. I am in TN this week for work, so going to cling to that as a good excuse. Now, without further ado, the hillclimbs story.

So — just a bit of background. The Great American Hillclimbs take place in the South Hills of Billings, MT. The race is to see who can drive to the top of the ‘Bentonite Nightmare’, aka a 400 foot hill that is just about straight up, call it 70 degrees or so. Most folks do not make it all the way up, they end up not having enough traction, motor, or momentum to get all the way up. Oh yeah, this takes serious skill and a goodly amount of balls (lack of brains works in a pinch). It is impressive, and not just from a RedNeck point of view, these are for the most part heavily customized or purpose built machines. We are talking extended swingarms, paddle tires, different suspension, not to mention that they motors are from all walks of life - dirt bikes, street bikes, snowmobiles, well you get the picture. And these folks are willing to break them — tumble back down the hill break them. It was said that it was $100 a bounce, I’m guessing it starts higher than that. Some of the riders had wonderful dismounts, the bikes flipping several times in the air and then careening down the hill until a “catcher” grabbed it and roped it off. All in all, a wonderful event if it were just for the motorhead part of it…but well, let’say it is only a good reason to party like rock stars.

Here are a few links to slightly more event related photos and videos:

• Transworld Motocross
• Gagzette

Party, why yes we did! I took a fair number of pics you can find here. I’m going to pull the rest under the “more” tag to protect the innocent. WARNING Explict RedNeck behavior revealed and explained, not to mention photos of men in women’s underwear. You’ve been warned! (more…)

Ahh… so I’ve been MIA for a few days from the whole blogisphere. I’ve really been getting good work done at CFS, so been directing the creative and expansive juices in that direction. Given that…time for a few shorties:

• Black Eyed Peas - sexy - sultry -georgeous lead singer. Mmmm, tasty — her, Gwen Steffani and a ..well let’s call it a good time had by all. Oh yeah, their music is pretty darn good too, been jamming all morning. How is it that I am actually listening to main stream pop culture music? Am I losing my discretion ?
• Great American Hillclimb. Good times, I will have to explain the fun after this weekend, as I’m just not going to do the stories of yesteryear any justice. So far it has been a bit of cat herding to get all the friends on the same page, but I think we’ve got the plans lined out. Rough plan is to get there at 6.30am to setup the double truck & canopy venue, bust out the steak & eggs on the grill, start drinking (DUH!) and get things situated before they start launching. Loooots of drinking. Lots.
• England - only two weeks until the sister and the niece fly out — I’m so happy for you!
• Back, back, back at the ORNL. I’ll be in TN again Aug 1-6, good times. Things.move.fast. This is supposedly the second-to-last trip I will make there under the current contract, but I can’t see how the contract would end now — to many things to be done. The good news is that after 4 more trips, I will qualify for Elite status on NWA — free first class upgrades and 150% miles. Oh yeah.
• Coding is fun - I’ve gotten to do some again this week at work, turns out I’m still good at it. Thankfully I’m not a completely useless “suit” yet.
• New motorcycle helmet. Modular, super comfortable and full face protection. I can’t wait to ride on the highway with this thing, I won’t have a super sore neck or bugs implanted in my face after riding at 100mph! I know, what a wuss, but have you ever hit a dragonfly at 100? How about a cicada? Didn’t think so! Them buggers hurt.

Well I’m getting bored now, so I’m going back to work so I can get to the gym and head out for a lovely dinner date, nothing like starting off the weekend the RightWay(tm).

Ow. What a weekend, good and bad. The highlights — moving hay, working on the truck and brewing beer. Sounds like a fun packed weekend, no? Well you can move the hay next time, thank you very much….now for the details.

As Kris & Christy have been watching Bogart for me while I go cavorting off to TN every month, I was asked to help move hay this year for their horses. They have a bunch (15?) of horses on their place and need to feed them. Apparently this means hay. Mary and Landon were also there for the fun, even though Christy so crawfished on a bet for the ride to Cody…bummer. How much hay did we get to move? Well, 40 tons or 1100 60lb square bales. Suck. For those of you who never have had the fun of moving square bales, it consists of throwing them down from the stack to the pickups & trailers, stacking them there, driving 15mph back to the place, throwing them off (most of the time up!) to the stack, and stacking them in the new stack. Uh-huh, each bale gets moved a minimum of 4 times. Oh, did I mention this was also the hottest day of the summer so far at 100F+? We were chugging water (”wood-er” for those Jersey folks), Propel and Gatorade. You know it is a hot arsed day when you chug gallons and gallons of fluids and never have to pee. We started moved bales around 9am and quit at 6.30pm or so — ok, so wussy-boy here quit around 5pm, but in my defense I had blisters on just about every finger. Yes Landon, our new friends will not have horses.

At this point we are tired, sunburnt and quite thirsty and hungry. K&C provided the booze and burgers, and off I went. I was lucky enough to have a person (you know who you are, and you soooooo rock!) who was willing to come pick me up and give me a ride home, so I decided to have a few drinks. End of the night, Landon and I killed most of a 1/2 gallon of Jack Daniels. Mmmm, tasty. Apparently (I use that word because I am working off of 3rd party reports and not my own memory) I left there at 9.30pm and was showered and passed out by 10pm or so. I’ve not gotten that rat-arsed in way too long, and boy did it feel good! Thankfully the buckets of fluids we consumed during the day prevented any serious hangover. Weee!

Sunday, sunday sunday I managed to sleep in a bit, but then was off to the races again. The sister gave me a ride up to K&C’s to grab my truck and Bogart, had some coffee and toast there and off to The Shop I was. Mr. Truck needed some serious part store lovins, so I hooked him up. New front brakes, tie-rod ends, front steering control arm and a quart of oil topped him up. I’ve still got to do the transfer case seals and the rear brakes, not to mention return the new air cleaner for one that actually fits, but I’m gonna tackle that some night this week. Hrm, I think I need new rubbers for the sway bars and a grease gun too. So yeah…my shop skillz are seriously amusing. I managed to gouge, pinch, slam or otherwise mangle a few more fingers — thankfully different ones from the hay-moving incidents. It seemed that Kris was quite enjoying my pain There was also a slight incident with lug nuts and proper torque that I seemed to experience on the drive home. Whoops, only gonna do that once!

That evening was the afore-mentioned BBQ & Beer brewing festival at my place. Portana — it was just a pilsner, an ale is a different beast. I shall show you the way, oh young apprentice. It was a pretty good show all the way around, just nice to sit back have some charred meat, cold beer and tell hillarious stories and jokes for a few hours with good friends at the end of a looooong weekend. There was also one hell of a thunderstorm that came through — we were all out under the carport sitting around for it, and some of the lightning and thunder made us all jump and squeal. A few were so close there was no time between the lightning and thunder, wow. Bogart slept through the whole thing, must be rough being a dog!

So at this point (and typing all this for you), 9 out of 10 fingers are bruised, cut, swollen, sore and otherwise f’in painful. Thank goodness the remote thumb is still in commission and Tivo has a few NAPCAR races for me to watch. I’m tired, happy, and can’t wait for next weekend!