I was sitting at the kitchen counter the other day poking away on the InterTubes when I got an ear scratch. So I dug in there with Mr Finger and gave it what-fer. As I was withdrawing said digit, I felt something like a hair or string — not an unusual sensation when you live with 2 dogs and a wife. It didn’t come off. No, it wasn’t glued there by some evildoer as a joke. No, it wasn’t just me needing a haircut. It was attached - alive if you will. Yes folks, I had long ear hair.

SONOFABITCH!

A quick trot to the bathroom to examine the situation left me screeching and humbled. I not only had one long ear hair — and not the feathery crap you get on the outside. No sir, this was a full out infestation of 2 inch hairs growing out of my ear canal. Correction, both ears. Thankfully I’ve got my 42-in-1 electric hair shortening kit nearby and fully charged, so removal wasn’t a problem.

Now, I’m convinced I’m not old enough to be experiencing this sick twist of nature just yet, so I’m on the hunt for some sort of environmental trigger that is causing this mutant growth. It can’t be beer, no - God isn’t that mean; maybe it is the lack of coffee - I’ve recently tried to move away from it & to the weaker-on-the-speed scale soda; Damnit, I’m stumped. Life is a cruel cruel mistress.