half a cat

This weekend was balls hot. HOT. Yes, those kind of balls. Sparing the innocent, but the metaphor is waaay too fitting. So! The Portana is back “home” for a weekend and I’m left up to my own devices. Muhahahahha!

What did I do with such unfettered access to massive quantities of stank and hormonal imbalance? Err, not that much really. Too hot. See previous statement on anatomical weather patterns.

Portana and I ran around Saturday - shopping here and there with a final stop at the Brew Shop for me to drop the semi-annual mint for brewing widgets and thingys. For those that brew - Stainless steel ball valves and a counterflow wort plate chiller are SO the best money. We also got sprung for a Gewurztraminer wine kit. It is dead simple to do with the existing beer equipment and is promising all sorts of tasty goodness. I’m looking forward to many o summer nights spent passed out amidst a few wine bottles on the deck. The sun shall wake me!

Saturday evening did see the lawn mowed - well at least most of it, apparently 90 minutes is just 15 feet shy of done I’d have continued but the dogs were getting pretty pissed from all the close calls during twilight. Not to mention that the mosquitos tend to focus on the fleshy white part of ones buttocks. Note to the public - don’t mow nude. Between the sunburn and the mosquitos — you are gonna be lumpy and red. Dead Sexy.

I did manage to get a nasty headache that took me out for most of Saturday - I think it is from not getting caffeine. Stupid free coffee at work and my lack of will power.

Sunday was the day of days. I woke up earliesh, cranked up the coffee pot (see I do learn) and headed to the garage to get beer-a-brewin’ and stuff arranged and cleaned up. It was hot enough that I put up the canopy out front of the garage for the full RedNeck look. It is the details folks. De-tails. Did I mention that I was walking around shirtless in baggy shorts and messy hair? Truck and Harley in the driveway? Details.

Heh — De-tails makes me think of all sorts of funny things about animals loosing their tails in horrible accidents. Hrm, bed time looming…anywhoo… Once that was all setup and going - I tackled the mess in the corner. Lots of moving things around and it appears to be slightly more accessible and organized. I’m hoping I did a few flourecent bulb replacements (do NOT drop on the floor…) and hung up the tennis ball for Portana’s windshield marker. I’ve heard if your are handy around the house, drives them nuts. Juxtapose that with being handy at the bar and all you get is slapped. Women — just don’t make sense.

Anyways…I’m starting to ramble and it could get messy. Power through this! I finally finished up brewing and got the beer into the fridge a meer 15 minutes after knockout. That’s right folks - 5 gallons of 200F sugar water & hops to 62F in < 10 minutes. These are some heady times in which we live. Man, not ending sentences in prepositions is a real biotch. Sigh. Ok, headed off to Auds for some grilled Elk and veggies on the grill. Homemande smoothies (mit boozen) were quite the treat to finish off a decent weekend, albeit alone

I’d best be off to bed, I’ve got dragons to slay at work tomorrow and another day of trying to keep the giblets out of the blender.

Update Is it wrong that I called the french press the coffee pot ? Did I hurt it’s feelings?

I was chit the chatting with Portana last night and she mentioned that in (as of 11.27 am CST) 21 days, 8 hours and 30some minutes (adjusted for timezones of course), we will have been dating for a year. It is a bit sad to say — but I’d forgotten that we were coming up on such a day. I mean — I know when our “day” is and that we’ve been dating for a bit now, but I hadn’t given much thought to the fact that we’ve been “bonking” (no, not that bonking… it is an inside joke) for almost a year now. It was still kind of rattling around in my head this morning as to what the last year has been like and how dating her after this time is still a super fun time. Yes there is the inevitable “comfort” that comes with time and living together for 2 months now has introduced another level of routine behavior and interaction — BUT I’m still amazed at how we are still goofy as all heck and really do enjoy spending time together. Awwww shucks…..

So you ask — what has the last year meant? Well — here are the highlights that come to mind. Nothing too gushy or personal of course - must protect the guilty

• Harley rides, lots of harley rides. First date after the thunderstorm (hey, why do you think guys buy motorcycles?), to Roscoe for her birthday, a few trips to Rock Dodge, lots of little lunch trips in Billings, Bozeman, getting beer from Costco, wow ! We jsut need to ride a lot more here in MN!!

• Cooking - I’m the meal master, Portana kicks my butt with some breakfast thingys and all baking. I make a mean milk shake and rule the grill. She makes me want to eat healthier I keep trying to cook healthier for the both of us!

• Pets - some good times, some rough times. Just a little note — these are likely the only kids we will have and we are both thrilled about that! But the hair…oh! the hair!.

• Dealing with life - my getting laid off, her job interviews, moving, two new jobs, packing two houses up, living as a guest at Auds for a month, unpacking into a single house, getting used to living together - sleep schedules, bathroom sharing, eating schedules, finally getting the hosue unpacked, furniture shopping, the list goes on. I’m amazed how we’ve gotten through all of that without a huge “Nic you are an ass” fight. Damn, I guess we might be adults after all!

I’m sure there are huge events I’m leaving out here, but I think it is suffice to say that this first year has been an amazing adventure both personally and relationship wise. I can’t think of anything I’d have done significantly different - I’ve really enjoyed it and hope it continues for a long, long time. Well — I’d write more, but I’ve got dragons to slay here at work!

Oy yeah — I love you Babe!

Sometimes the ol’ email box gives gifts of geeky fun! Today, the powers-that-be at Google gave me a Google Analytics account. This should supply an interesting picture of who comes to visit, etc.

Are you interested in making wine at home? Interested in how wine is made? No? Bugger off then hosehead.

Here are some notes and links I’ve found when starting to explore the process. I’m pretty familiar with making beer, so just a matter of figuring out the new “chemistry”

• Winexpert - maker of the apparently nice “Selection” kits.

• Northern Brewers - local St. Paul brew shop.

Q: Can I leave sulphite out of my wines?

A: Some people believe that they are allergic to sulphites, and want to leave them out of their kits. While this is their option, it’s a bad idea. True sulphite allergies are terrifically rare, and if someone has a reaction to drinking wine, it’s almost always due to some other cause (for a complete discussion on this topic, see our handout “Sulphites: the Facts”). Besides, yeast make sulphites themselves during fermentation, so no wine can ever be sulphite-free, no matter what.

Without added sulphites the kit will oxidise and spoil very rapidly. It will start to go off in less than 4 weeks, and be undrinkable in less than three months. Also, if the sulphite is left out, but the sorbate is added, the wine will be attacked by lactic bacteria, which will convert the sorbate into the compound hexadienol, which smells like rotting geraniums and dead fish.

The bottom line is this: if you do not add the sulphite to the kit, neither your retailer, nor Winexpert can guarantee the wine, so think carefully before you do it.

…. more to come as I find them….

So — I’ve been riding the hog to work these days, mainly because it gets 4x the gas mileage of the Brown Beast. I guess I’d rather spend the money on illegal immigrant labor and beer — well ok, just the beer. Here are a few things I’ve noticed…

• People read mother-!@#$$ing magazines WHILE DRIVING. If killing people ever becomes legal, this group is one case of shotgun shells away from a messy death. Seriously you fucktards, seriously.

  • Boxes 2 & 3 are for people who put on makeup - come to think of it, I’ve never seen a dude doing this stuff. MN Women — knock it the fuck off please. Oh yeah — MT women are thinner too, sorry.

• Minnesota smells like Pennsylvania — at least in the spring. It must be the humidity, open water, and the trees, but man is it nice to be zipping along to work and getting fresh mowed lawns, lilac bushes, wood fires, etc. I almost don’t need coffee to wake up after that — hey! I said almost…

• Curvy roads are still fun. Nothing really beats coasting into a posted 35mph corner at 45 and then romping on the throttle in the middle to come out at 65+.

  • Part 2 - I LOVE the part of my drive where I get to turn onto County-55 ala interstate on-ramp and rod up through the gears. 0-80mph by the end of the onramp. Un-freaking-raveled!
  • Part 3 - Minnesotans take their speed driving seriously. None of this speed limit crap, I’m gonna go fast! Posted 65 means 80, posted 45 means 60. 10mph over is a safe bet. The only thing worse is finding the asshole who actually drives the limit - move it turd.

• Wearing a helmet, while dorky and restricting, is quite nice on the morning ride to work. It is kinda nice to show up at work and not have a frozen mug due to the 45 degree temp and my refusal to drive the speed limit.

• Minnesotans also don’t screw around with the fishing. Lots of boats, even saw a dude fishing in a canoe in a small lake the other morning. I bet he was just out there to hide his drinking.

So — on random other thoughts… I am seriously considering trading the truck in or just buying outright a VW Jetta TDI. 35city/42highway in a decent looking package. I’ve heard tale that a nice catback exhaust system is good for ~15mpg too. Can you imagine 50mpg in a real car? Car and Driver even mentioned that you can’t even hear the diesel note common to these motors. Sweet. I think Portanaipolis is heading towards a Mini Coop, sexy

Just a quick note to introduce the newest member of our family - Coyote Sam the dog. She is quite the shy little thing around Portanaipolis and I, but with Bogart she plays great. They’ve had quite the time running around playing chasey-chasey, a bit of tuggy-tuggy and the daily sniff and scratch. I’m sure more stories about her and more photos in the future, but for now…here ya go!

I want one:

The question left is: Flames or Biker theme?

Oh yeah, and with me doing the homebrew, it would so get turned into the Ultimate Beer Dispensing Apparatus ™. I’m thinking a couple CO2 taps and a Nitrogen “beer-gas” tap. Don’t hate me because I’m crafty.

Once in a great while I am blessed with the best news stories on the innernet during my morning caffiene intake. Enjoy Bear eats Monkey at Zoo.