half a cat

Motherf@#$er. How many lug styles are there for a 1982 Chevy K10 Pickup? Son of a bleepity bleep bleep bleep bleeping bleep bleep bleeper. Grrrrrr!!! The worst part of it all is that it dumped horseshit all over my plans to get my house cleaned tonight. Two runs to the parts store later, I have a 3 legged pickup that does me about as much good as a bar of lead in my ass. Talk about all greased up and nowhere to go… The first set was a boo-boo by Matt (parts guy), who is so off the Christmas Card list now, with lugs that were just too big. The second set were the right size & length, but there is a grooved portion near the flanged end that has to match up with the rotor and hub — turns out there are different mother@#$ing offsets — some are grooved right near the flange, others a 1/2 inch off. The cute part is that this just might be a front end from a 3/4 ton Suburban or some other vehicle, as it definately is not the same as the book claims, so getting parts correct for it according to the computer is like trying to, well @#$ I don’t know, but damnit it is hard. Goat raping poo eating ass monkeys. Seriously… Well, I’m just glad I can deal with this all in a calm and non-upset manner without needing to vent or swear like a drunken truck driver with a double case of Tourettes. On the up side, I know have a pretty good knowledge of how a 4×4 front hub assembly comes apart, still working on the whole back together bits.

I did manage to get back into the gym for a run today, prior to the lug adventure. I’d kinda skipped out on cardio last week, and while tossing bales is a good muscle workout, there are only a few activities that match the bliss that is hammering a few hard miles out. Heh, yeah, and of those few most involve taking clothes off. God bless them! I got 2 miles in at the usual 9:13 pace, struggling to get to a 3 Doors Down song that didn’t want to make me just stop running and go flying off the treadmill head first into the wall. A short water break and stretch later, we moved on to Korn and some serious speed. The first half of the mile was in the 7mph range — about 8.30 pace, then kicked it up to 8mph for a quarter mile and 9mph for the last quarter. Total time for that mile was just a hair over 7 minutes — I think. It felt pretty good to get the old fast-twitch muscles back in action and I am thinking another run like that tomorrow morning might burn off some stress. It felt like there was a bit more there in the tank, might be time to start finding out exactly how much. That or I start drinking with my oatmeal. I’d bet that Makers goes well.

On a side note: Portana, you forgot to mention that Anna Nalick happens to be smokin’ hot. Her Breathe Video, is a good bit of time wasting that needs to be shared. Damnation. How is it that I’ve missed hearing her music and noticing her ? Her music is a bit Norah Jones in style, but her phrasing and lyrics are much different. Quite interesting — I’d think I would call this more musical poetry than anything. Any others I should know about ? And now for a little more eye candy for my guy friends:

Lol …Just Breathe in response to the truck fun…gotta love that irony!

Ow. What a weekend, good and bad. The highlights — moving hay, working on the truck and brewing beer. Sounds like a fun packed weekend, no? Well you can move the hay next time, thank you very much….now for the details.

As Kris & Christy have been watching Bogart for me while I go cavorting off to TN every month, I was asked to help move hay this year for their horses. They have a bunch (15?) of horses on their place and need to feed them. Apparently this means hay. Mary and Landon were also there for the fun, even though Christy so crawfished on a bet for the ride to Cody…bummer. How much hay did we get to move? Well, 40 tons or 1100 60lb square bales. Suck. For those of you who never have had the fun of moving square bales, it consists of throwing them down from the stack to the pickups & trailers, stacking them there, driving 15mph back to the place, throwing them off (most of the time up!) to the stack, and stacking them in the new stack. Uh-huh, each bale gets moved a minimum of 4 times. Oh, did I mention this was also the hottest day of the summer so far at 100F+? We were chugging water (”wood-er” for those Jersey folks), Propel and Gatorade. You know it is a hot arsed day when you chug gallons and gallons of fluids and never have to pee. We started moved bales around 9am and quit at 6.30pm or so — ok, so wussy-boy here quit around 5pm, but in my defense I had blisters on just about every finger. Yes Landon, our new friends will not have horses.

At this point we are tired, sunburnt and quite thirsty and hungry. K&C provided the booze and burgers, and off I went. I was lucky enough to have a person (you know who you are, and you soooooo rock!) who was willing to come pick me up and give me a ride home, so I decided to have a few drinks. End of the night, Landon and I killed most of a 1/2 gallon of Jack Daniels. Mmmm, tasty. Apparently (I use that word because I am working off of 3rd party reports and not my own memory) I left there at 9.30pm and was showered and passed out by 10pm or so. I’ve not gotten that rat-arsed in way too long, and boy did it feel good! Thankfully the buckets of fluids we consumed during the day prevented any serious hangover. Weee!

Sunday, sunday sunday I managed to sleep in a bit, but then was off to the races again. The sister gave me a ride up to K&C’s to grab my truck and Bogart, had some coffee and toast there and off to The Shop I was. Mr. Truck needed some serious part store lovins, so I hooked him up. New front brakes, tie-rod ends, front steering control arm and a quart of oil topped him up. I’ve still got to do the transfer case seals and the rear brakes, not to mention return the new air cleaner for one that actually fits, but I’m gonna tackle that some night this week. Hrm, I think I need new rubbers for the sway bars and a grease gun too. So yeah…my shop skillz are seriously amusing. I managed to gouge, pinch, slam or otherwise mangle a few more fingers — thankfully different ones from the hay-moving incidents. It seemed that Kris was quite enjoying my pain There was also a slight incident with lug nuts and proper torque that I seemed to experience on the drive home. Whoops, only gonna do that once!

That evening was the afore-mentioned BBQ & Beer brewing festival at my place. Portana — it was just a pilsner, an ale is a different beast. I shall show you the way, oh young apprentice. It was a pretty good show all the way around, just nice to sit back have some charred meat, cold beer and tell hillarious stories and jokes for a few hours with good friends at the end of a looooong weekend. There was also one hell of a thunderstorm that came through — we were all out under the carport sitting around for it, and some of the lightning and thunder made us all jump and squeal. A few were so close there was no time between the lightning and thunder, wow. Bogart slept through the whole thing, must be rough being a dog!

So at this point (and typing all this for you), 9 out of 10 fingers are bruised, cut, swollen, sore and otherwise f’in painful. Thank goodness the remote thumb is still in commission and Tivo has a few NAPCAR races for me to watch. I’m tired, happy, and can’t wait for next weekend!

It is such a Friday. IRC is usually a means for verbal jousting about technical mistakes one has made, or for discussion and collaboration in the search for creating new mistakes. At any rate, I needed to share this one…

[brian] there is
[brian] new relationship sex: everyday, then comes
[brian] newly marred sex: 3x a week
[brian] married 5 years sex: 2x a month and then
[brian] hallway sex: where passing each other in hallway you each say to each other “fuck you”.
[brian] that usually comes right before divorce.
[brian] well, divorce or murder, depending on your perspective on solving problems.

Smell that? Yes friends, that is the smell of a Friday afternoon going right out the window with my ambition and motivation. I now need to decide whether I start drinking or napping now.

It seems the previous pondering has turned into a more fun loving experiement. It being Friday and all, I figure I will take a swipe at getting hit about the head and neck for my insulting answers to the questions below. I’ve taken the liberty to provide multiple insulting answers just in case a single one doesn’t hold water.

Update: I’m having way to much fun with this and have added a few more answers…

The 5 toughest questions women ask - and their answers.

• “What are you thinking?”

  • Too easy. I want a beer and I want to see something naked.
  • What your sister looks like naked.
  • How nice a BJ during halftime would be.
  • If you’ll still have sex with me when I ask you to get up and get me another beer.
  • What is your name again ?
  • Too bad we got married, your sister is hot.

• “Do you love me?”

  • How much is your father worth again ?
  • Of course, just like my truck and dog.
  • Nope, but you are pretty good in the sack.
  • You bet, unless you get fat.

• “Do I look fat?”

  • Can you get the lights ?
  • How about another shot of Jager ?
  • Yup, but you are pretty good in the sack.
  • shit, did she hear me on the phone to my buddies?

• “Do you think she is prettier than me?”

  • Yes, but she refuses to have sex with me.
  • Of course not, but did you see that girl ?
  • So you were checking her out too….think she’d go home with us ?
  • No, you are both kinda fat.

• “What would you do if I died?”

  • Hope to God they don’t find out it was me who….oh nevermind!
  • I’m FREEEEEEEEEE!
  • Shit, now who is going to do the laundry?
  • Use the insurance money to buy another Harley.
  • What was your sisters phone number again?

Sometimes it is just fun to be a rotten shit! Too bad there were not more questions, only so many options here.

Editors Note: It may be a few days before the next post as Nic recovers from his wounds. Who knew you could inflict that much damage with a frying pan….

So, today is a question day, not too many answers to be found. I’m not sure who I am trying to make think, but I think I’ve covered a few bases. YMMV I have not written down all of my questions, that would have taken too long

• Why don’t I feel the need to shower until noon when I am working from home ? No, it is not the smell (although feeling greasy is gross)!
• What do I want to eat for lunch ? Ok, that one is easy…I’ve got chicken breasts and feta…
• How should my role with my current company change after the ORNL engagement ?
• Why is getting enough sleep not more important in our society?
  • Along that route: Why is ones health the first thing to be sacrificed for sanity or ‘feeling good’? With today’s technology and medicine, should we not be able to make a Big Bacon Classic that is healthy ?
• What is the proper tire pressure for a set of 31×10.50 Bridgestone Dueler A/T 691s ?
• Why are we nice to people when we really don’t like them?
  • Why is it so hard for people to deal with the fact that as social beings, humans dont have to get along ?
  • Is it some odd being liked == social status thing ?
  • Why do I use computer programming language operators (==) in writing like they actually work ?
• How is it that seemingly good actors deliver such wooden performances in the Star Wars movies?
  • I know you folks can act well, I’ve seen it happen before!
• Will Lance Armstrong win the Tour de France ?
• Why do animals wake people up for seemingly no reason? Is it possible that they are even needier than humans for attention ?
• Why do we have classes and training for almost everything in life except for relationships — friends and lovers ?
  • Should we be able to just figure that one out on our own ?
• Are there any absolutely ‘right answers’ ?
• Does ‘human nature’ really specify any sort of particular behavior ?
• How do I get into projects at work that require SO much self direction ?
  • Am I a lazy bastard for just wanting a well defined project from time to time ?
• Is management really going to make me more money ?
• Can I afford the insurance on a new Jaguar ?
• What does it mean to ‘know’ oneself?
  • Is a person a static definition, or do we have to just become self aware enough to notice who we are continuously ?
• Where the hell can I get a used fridge that still works for $100?
• When do I want to retire? Where to? With whom ?
• How much mental behavior is learned vs inherited ?
• Do I want to find a slightly cheaper place to live when my lease is up if I can’t purchase this house ?
• How long do I want to stay in Billings?
  • What are the acceptable catalysts to move ?
• Can I get married and move to Europe for a few years ?
• Why the rat-fuck have I not taken my Powerbook in for service yet!?!?
• Is astrology a self-fufilling arena when used for personal goals and dating ?
• How many people are still reading this without having contacted a head doctor ?
• Why can I think up this many odd questions yet have mental block when it comes to doing actual work ?
• Is the sign of a truly crazy person one who questions themself questioning things ?
• Is it time for lunch yet ?
• Is that clock right ?
• Why can I not find music I want to listen to today ?
• Not Why, but Is there a meaning to life ?
• Are you scared yet ?
  • Are you laughing yet ?

Update: I’m just going to keep adding a few, on a roll baby!

• WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE THINK IT IS OK TO WRITE AN EMAIL IN ALL CAPS?
• What is the proper use of the apostrophe ?

Wow, my first 4th of July back in Montana. I had forgotten exactly how much of a celebration this was here. Err, perhaps celebration is the wrong word, implying some sort of massive patriotic feeling. How about really good excuse to break the bank buying fireworks ? Dear Lord, do MTans love to blow stuff up. It makes noise and throws sparks? Even better!

It was a terrific weekend, with only a slight charring to prove that I helped fund the Chinese GDP. I was able to hang out with almost all (sorry Mom, you went to ND!) of the people I wanted to, which is a major feat for me. I know it was a good weekend as I’m looking forward to working as a break from the fun

Now without further delay, another installment of the ‘numbers game’:

• Amount of fireworks purchased in Cody: $100.07 USD personally; $500 USD+ for the group.
• Number of full face helmets to be purchased after riding 50 miles in rain using borrowed helmet: 1
  • It is sad it took this for me to realize how great they were. Honestly Nic!
  • I like this one. Rain gear might not be a bad investment either…
• Bugs plastered on face from ride to Cody: 10 billion. Mmm, tasty!
  • For the uninformed, bug splatter feels much like a greasy booger.
• McDonalds ‘Cause that’s how I roll’ references by the FurryOne: 100s
• Number of girls with broken arm: 1
  • Yeah, ok, whatever. Save the drama for your mama.
• Little bratty kids at the pond that SHBABJ: 6
• Parents of said kids that needed to be beaten about the head and neck: 3
• Chevy pickups ‘mud-a-fied’: 1
• Other Chevy pickups needed to be yanked out of mud: 1
  • Cuz: Kudos on creative use of bandana
• Friends of mine who needed to wash their trucks due to taunting of my less-than-spectacular rooster tail skills and subsequent redemption of myself: 1
• Hours of fireworks show: 1.5
  • Hours for end of night bottle rocket war: 1
  • Number of idiots who decided that Roman Candles make appropriate weapons: 1
  • Ordinance spent by me: 5 gross bottle rockets, 10pk 4oz rockets, 20 banger rockets
  • Square inches of rocket-launch blackened skin: 30
  • Square inches of blistered skin from holding on to a 12pk of bottle rockets lit with the torch a bit too long: 1
• Bottles of booze consumed: HA! Like we can count that high!
• Rating of the firework show in Castle Rock part: 8.5
  • Special thanks to the sisters & their boyfriends for fun banter!
• Hours spent actually thinking: 5, maybe 6.
• Old friends seen at the grocery store: 2. Wow, how things have changed.
• Number of girls whose relative youth does not translate into relative attractivness: 3
  • Yes John, the hot people do get everything. Thankfully they let us hang around.
• Well behaved kids that are bucking the genetics of her parents: 1
  • environment and discipline go a LONG way. Sis - you and Bek rock!
• Star Wars 3 rating: 8 compared to first 2 prequels, CG gets a 10; plot 7; acting 4.
• Miles run: 1.5, and an ugly 1.5 at that.
  • You know it is going to be rough when you get a sideache 5 blocks out and can smell the fireworks and bourbon 10 blocks out.
• Extra hours of sleep needed Tuesday morning: 3.