half a cat

A friend of mine pointed out the other night that there exists a you might be a Lutheran if…‘ joke. After growing up in rural North Dakota attending Saint Peter’s Missouri Synod Lutheran Church, I can verify that these are indeed true. For extra amusement, read them with an accent roughly that like the one in the movie Fargo. You go ahead and laugh it up, but if you don’t believe me just ask around! Ah! The rigidity of German heritage mixed with the free loving spirits of the post-reformation Christians. Good times!

For your Friday enjoyment, I’ve brazenly copied over ones I’ve experienced first hand or with slight variation…

• …your choir believes volume is a fair substitute for tonality.
• …you don’t know what was sooo funny about dat movie “Fargo” then.
• …you have more than three friends whose first names have the letter “j” as the second letter.
• …someone asks you after church if there’s any “decaf coffee” and you laugh because you KNOW that if it doesn’t have caffeine, it can’t be coffee!
• …you’re watching “Star Wars” in the theatre and when they say, “May the force be with you,” the theatre replies, “and also with you.
• …you doodle on the back of communion cards.
• …you laugh out loud while reading this list, and relive your childhood at the same time.
• …you know all the words to the first verse of “Silent Night” in German but can’t speak a word of it.
• …your mother reminds you often that she wishes you’d studied the organ.
• …your mother could give any Jewish mother a run for the money in the guilt department.
• …the only mealtime prayer you know is “Come Lord Jesus.”
• …you make your hotdishes with cream of mushroom soup and your salads with Jell-O.
• …you sing “Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus” while sitting down.
• …you hold your family reunion in the church basement.

And now for a few of my own:

• … you looked forward to the brown paper bag of peanuts, candy and oranges after the Christmas night service.
• … you think ‘wrasslin’ or ‘schvimmin’ is the official Luthern sport.
• … if pinnochle and Old Millwakee are the only ingredients besides ‘lunch’ and coffee that are needed for a really good party.
• … playing Bridge was for the Methodists and Catholics.
• … if you’ve ever had a family gathering to see “Milo the Silo” or “The Medora Musical”